"Welcome to Iraq, Where Prices are "SADAM INSANE!"

During the early stages of my Battalions deployment to Iraq in 2003, My Company Comander Cpt. John Gallagher appointed Lieutenant  Ken Ferguson and I, and our Platoon (2nd Platoon Bravo company, 123rd MSB) to operate out of the 123rd Main Support Battalions LRP ( Logistical Release Point also known as the Forward Logistical Element "FLE") in B.I.A.P.( Baghdad International Airport). Actually we'd be the Bravo company slice element from the Battalion, running the transportation assests, in support of, and in conjunction with, Major Dean of the SPO (Support Operations). Our main responsibilty: " Pushing out (at a minimum) three (3) convoys a day". We would  provide delivery of Class I - IX  to three Forward support Battalions (FSB) within the Baghdad area of Operation.  1LT Ferguson and I were augmented by an additional squad or two from each transportation Platoon, to aid in this monumental feat. Keep in mind, Bravo Company, 123rd Main Support Battalion, was the ONLY transportation Company organic to the 1st Armored Division. Yes that's correct, chances are you got your Chow, water, weapons, armored HMMWV's, etc. from our logistical release point. We wouldn't have had to travel and be exposed to IED's so much,  if the FSB's had done their templated jobs, and pushed their transporters to our location (as is Army SOP) and picked up their own supplies. But as is with many frightened leaders, they think to change a pre exsisting operational procedure to  protect their soldiers, thus protecting themselves and their career.( chasing the Officer Evaluation Report, OER). So the soldiers of Bravo company 123rd MSB, were placed in harms way on a daily basis to ensure our Brothers in Arms on the FSB's were clothed and fed properly. Talk about stress. Well, during one particularly hot miserable morning,  1LT Ferguson took off on one of the three convoys to 501st FSB. In those early days, Ferguson impressed Major Dean by coming up with a viable plan for launching two (2) convoys in the early morning hours.  Departure time for two (2) convoys would be scheduled for 0700 hours,  the third convoy would depart later in the morning, as one of the first convoys would returned early (as the distance to 125 FSB wasn't far) and we could then place a fresh crew in the trucks and launch this third Convoy. 1LT Ferguson led the farthest convoy to 501st FSB on this particular day. My story actually begins upon his return to BIAP. 1LT Ferguson came bursting into the 2nd Platoon, Bravo Company shop Van, excited as I had never seen before, waving an object in my face, telling me to get off the computor, as he had  something of extreme importance to share with me. Some how Ken had bought two Compact Discs (CD) from an Iraqi vender at 501st FSB. Compact disc's which the Iraqi's had told 1LT Ferguson, contained videos of Sadam. Here is how the whole story went down: "Sergeant Petterson, Sergeant Petterson", Ken breathlessly blurted out, "look what I got!" ( He held up two shiney CD's). "These Iraqi workers approached me, saying "SADAM,  SADAM" over and over again, and showing me a shoe box full of CD's," he said while gleefully  inserting his SADAM CD into the laptop. "So I decided I would buy a couple and see what was on them! "If they are cool videos of Sadam," he went on to explain, "I'll go on convoy tomorrow and buy some more!"  "Sergeant Petterson",  Ken said matter of factly, "we may have some really rare videos here"!  So Being the good supportive Platoon Sergeant that I was, I thought perhaps  maybe Ken did stumble on something cool. Heck, the Iraqis were selling Bayonets, Old Iraqi money, and Pepsi's on the road sides, so why not CD's of Sadam Hussein?  We were already familiar with Boot leg Copies of Movies (the kind filmed before a live theater audience, complete with audience laughter, and people walking past the screens)  So why not Videos of Sadam in all his Glory??   1LT Ferguson was searching  for the beginning of the CD, the menu, and it wasn't showing up, all that happen was a Movie began to play.  "It has to be here somewhere", He anxiously said, as he kept stopping,  ejecting the CD, inserting it into the laptop over again and again.  "It has to be on here,"  Ken said sternly (almost ordering Sadam to be on the CD) " I didn't pay two dollars for a dumb movie!  "Hey Sir", I said calmly, "let the damn movie play and see what we got here, okay?  So Ken allowed the movie to begin. As we both peered at the screen it didn't take long to realize what the movie was about.  As Ken pressed his face closer to the screen (as though by doing this he could some how magically "summon" Sadam to appear) a naked woman instantly appeared, bent over a bed, with a naked man "drilling her" from behind (and not in the... eh.... "correct orafice"). "Its a Porno Sir", I exclaimed, " and she's taking it from behind!"  "No way!" Ken said adamantly," No @#$% way!"  He angrily began "fast forwarding" the CD to a part where he might find Sadam Hussein. As the images flashed by at wharp speed all I could tell was there was some serious hard core porn going on. (To HELL with Sadam Hussein I thought)! Almost all the scenes depicted woman being Sodomized...hmmmmm?..This popped a light bulb on in my head." Hey Sir" , I said in my smart ass manner, "What did these Iraqi's tell you again? "Sergeant Petterson",  (I could hear the indignation in Ken's voice now, as his temper began to simmer) " The Local Nationals", he explained, as he continued to fast forward the CD, " said, that Sadam, Sadam was on here."  1LT Ferguson kept up doggedly by-passing all the "back door action"  to  pursue this fabled Sadam Hussein Character. "Sir," I jokingly said," If the United States Army can't find Sadam Hussein in Iraq, what makes you think you're gonna locate him in this Porno?" "Thats not Funny Sergeant P..",  1LT Ferguson said angrily, still fast forwarding, as men and woman flipped across the screen having SEX at lightening speed. "Look Sir", I interjected,  "It's PORNO",  " Give it up! The Iraqi's obviously sold you some PORN!"  Just then the Shop van door burst Open and there stood Sergeant Wagoner assitant truck Master. "You guys Got PORN?"  Wagoner shouted.  "NO!" , Ferguson injected firmly. "Yes we have Porn." I said, "well the Lieutenant does anyway."  "It's NOT MY PORN!", It's not anyones PORN!  Ken shot back in frustration.  SSG  Wagoner slipped into the Shop Van closing the door behind him. "Can I watch it when you are through?" Wagnor drooled. "ITS NOT PORN!" Ferguson barked! " Hey Wagnor", I said, (again in my smart ass manner) "what do you call it when a woman is taking it up the bum?."  "Sodomy", He replied excitedly, "You got that on there too ?"   "NO",  Ferguson blurted out again", "It's not PORN, It's Sadam.... SADAM!!!  Ferguson was really beginning to boil now, face inches from the screen,fast forwarding, reversing, jumping back and forth, fruitlessly trying to prove to himself that somewhere, either in  military posture or perhaps in the thro's of fornication, SADAM HUSSEIN was on this CD!  " Look Wag's",  I chuckled, "The Iraqi's were selling these CD's and saying SODOM, SODOM, and Lieutenant Ferguson here thought they were saying SADAM,SADAM, ha ha ha ha,  not Real hard to figure out, huh?"   Mean while, back at the ranch,  1LT Ken Ferguson keep searching (now on his second CD) while Wagoner and I talked about how we were going to copy and distribute the Porn to other deserving soldiers in the command. NOTE:  If SSG Wagoner and I hadn't intervened and physically stopped him, 1LT Ken Ferguson would still be searching for Sadam until this very day (I'm glad he only bought two CD's, that was enough torture he put himself through).....Lieutenants, sigh. (Greatfull acknowledgement and thanks to the soldiers of the 101st ABN DIV for actually "finding Sadam"...in a hole, and not on a Iraqi bootleg copy of a Porno movie).